A searchable archive of 15,192 posts across 3 platforms.
14116 results
clearing the driveway. i broke a shovel today.
Feb 13, 2019, 1:31 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
so many things in the gaming world (playing online multiplayer, watching twitch/mixer, etc.) assume you: a.) have your sound on, b.) are listening to it. i play most games, and watch streamers on mute.
Feb 13, 2019, 2:50 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
judging by how many life insurance offers i get in the mail, apparently mid-40s is when men discover their mortality or something
Feb 12, 2019, 7:11 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
if my airpods could just always default to connect to the device that is TURNED ON that would be cool.
Feb 11, 2019, 3:57 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
been freezing rain all day here ~1300’ #nhwx
Feb 7, 2019, 8:59 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
you go to dev with the sprint plan you have, not the sprint plan you want.
Feb 4, 2019, 5:21 PM · view on Twitter
i'm back in the office today for the first time in a week and a half. i did not miss commuting.
Feb 4, 2019, 4:23 PM · view on Twitter
i love watching things on DVR delay because y’all let me know exactly what to be disappointed about
Feb 4, 2019, 2:05 AM · view on Twitter
oh look, time for a pithy blog post
Feb 3, 2019, 12:35 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
🎶There’s a hole in my bucket dear Liza dear Liza…🎶
Then fix the bucket already Henry, can’t you do anything for yourself? Seriously. Liza would have had water an hour ago.
Why did we even put you in charge of water?
Jan 31, 2019, 11:53 PM · view on Twitter
Jan 24, 2019, 5:11 PM · view on Twitter
👏did👏you👏update👏the👏story👏in👏Jira?👏
Jan 24, 2019, 3:13 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 13 Reposts: 1
me? i'm okay. definitely not openly weeping in the office. this is beautiful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msgimk3mV6g Jan 22, 2019, 8:21 PM · view on Twitter
Apple Watch question: does snow removal count as an “High-Intensity Interval Training” or “Cross Training”
Jan 20, 2019, 8:51 PM · view on Twitter
not to make light of dangerous weather, but remember as you buy emergency provisions, that you will need mixers and limes too.
Jan 19, 2019, 1:02 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 7 Reposts: 3
Jan 8, 2019, 4:26 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
Jan 7, 2019, 8:08 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
Hey Siri, remind me every four weeks that I own an Apple Pencil.
Jan 7, 2019, 8:01 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
@notasausage hah, also, happy birthday, sir. :)
Jan 5, 2019, 2:31 AM · view on Twitter
Jan 4, 2019, 12:52 AM · view on Twitter
Jan 3, 2019, 6:44 PM · view on Twitter
Jan 2, 2019, 7:07 PM · view on Twitter
Jan 2, 2019, 6:39 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
Jan 2, 2019, 4:22 PM · view on Twitter
where does a Sith buy their robes?
at the Darth Mall
wait, where are you going — i have more jokes
Jan 2, 2019, 1:06 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 5
also time to start saying “first time doing _______ since last year!” or “ i haven’t done _______ since last year”
Jan 1, 2019, 1:56 PM · view on Twitter
time to start doing goofy things and claim it’s part of a resolution
Jan 1, 2019, 1:49 PM · view on Twitter
watching some new year’s eve program and jenny mccarthy is on it. i feel sick.
i wish there was some immunization that would have prevented this.
Jan 1, 2019, 2:44 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
happy leftover-from-july-4th fireworks day!
Dec 31, 2018, 10:46 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
my gift to myself at the end of 2018: deleting 700+ items from my Pocket list. Happy New Year.
Dec 31, 2018, 4:31 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
lactose-challenged friends (@jlengstorf @ashleymcnamara ? et al) find this stuff, it’s amazing.
https://greenvalleylactosefree.com/ Dec 31, 2018, 3:29 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
ah, yes. Maslow’s Four Quadrants of human need.
Dec 30, 2018, 6:17 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
2018 was pretty challenging for me but i’m a middle-aged white guy so who cares?
Dec 29, 2018, 2:54 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
every time my kids get frustrated that they’re not good at something, i remind them that they’re able to pee on parts of the toilet i didn’t even think it was possible to pee on. keep trying!
Dec 28, 2018, 4:03 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2 Reposts: 1
c’mon i have to go to bed
Dec 27, 2018, 4:35 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
srsly i guess i’m sleeping in a recliner tonight.
Dec 27, 2018, 4:22 AM · view on Twitter
the siamese is glad we’re home
too
Dec 27, 2018, 4:21 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
welp now they’re conspiring.
Dec 27, 2018, 3:58 AM · view on Twitter
my kitten is glad to be home.
Dec 27, 2018, 3:20 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
4 day trip to visit family contains two whole days of traveling. forgive me if i’m exhausted and we don’t visit too often.
Dec 27, 2018, 1:41 AM · view on Twitter
do you think the contrast is okay?
what contrast?
Dec 25, 2018, 3:27 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 1
oh good, it’s not like you can just find these things laying around
Dec 24, 2018, 3:16 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 5 Reposts: 1
Dec 22, 2018, 2:39 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
hey, be kind. it’s not the shortest day of the year, it’s the smallest stature day of the year.
Dec 21, 2018, 11:48 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 3
Hey Siri, does poetry have to rhyme?
...
* smoke appears above datacenter *
Dec 20, 2018, 8:09 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
if ocean currents swirl around like a clothes dryer, we could probably gather up all the plastic bits by throwing a couple fitted sheets out there
Dec 19, 2018, 5:14 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 4
hooray, i finally screwed this job up completely
Dec 19, 2018, 1:26 AM · view on Twitter
old apple tv + HDMI monitor = treadmill tv
Dec 16, 2018, 6:44 PM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
Dec 16, 2018, 3:09 AM · view on Twitter
Favs: 2
ten years ago, we had just gotten our power back after 4-1/2 days.
Dec 15, 2018, 10:08 PM · view on Twitter